Ghosting is when someone suddenly stops responding to your messages – usually on a dating app –without any explanation as to why. It can be confusing and demoralizing to match with someone, invest time, and then watch them disappear into thin air. Sadly, ghosting is an all-too-common part of the dating experience today. In fact, the only consolation is knowing you’re definitely not alone! No, you can’t make people change, but you can learn ways to minimize how often ghosting occurs. In this blog post, we’ll look at how you can avoid getting ghosted and explore other ways to date where ghosting is much less prevalent. If you want to reclaim control of your dating life, keep reading.
Understand Why People Ghost
The first step to avoiding getting ghosted is understanding why people ghost in the first place. There’s no simple answer, but there are some common reasons. These include the fear of getting hurt, feeling overwhelmed by a new relationship, or simply wanting to avoid an uncomfortable situation. Sometimes, ghosting happens because the individual got whatever it is they wanted from their interaction with you and is now gone forever. It’s important to remember that getting ghosted doesn’t always mean you did something wrong, and sometimes there is nothing you could have done better. It usually has more to do with the other person’s emotional state – and nothing to do with you. In some cases, the dating profile may be a fake – there to sell something or scam you. Consider yourself lucky if you get ghosted by one of these catfish accounts – you dodged a bullet.
Ghosting can be looked at as a reflection of today’s dating culture. It’s easy enough to close a chat and never look back when there are zero consequences for doing so. The result is a lack of accountability. Fleeting relationships are becoming increasingly normal today. Some people are only on dating apps for ego boosts and “breadcrumbing” – another dating buzzword that means to flirt with someone while having no real intention of getting into a relationship. But that’s a blog topic for another day! A great way to avoid getting ghosted is to recognize the signs beforehand. With time and practice you’ll be able to filter out the obvious “ghosters” either before you swipe, or before you become too invested. For now, take mental notes about the illegitimate profiles you encounter so you can steer clear of them in the future.
Make Your Intentions Clear Early On
If more people were more upfront about their intentions, there would be fewer people getting ghosted. We know the world won’t change anytime soon, but in lieu of that, start setting a good example. If you let your new match know that you’re just looking for a long-term relationship and they ghost you – you win! Better to have it happen initially than later on when feelings have begun to develop. In the same way, if your intentions are for a more casual relationship – let the person know. You’ll be surprised how many people are looking for what you are, whatever that may be. A pro tip is to put this info in your profile’s biography. Yes, it’s true that very few people actually read them, but at least there’s a disclaimer before the conversation even begins.
Respect Boundaries and Read the Room
Dating is about getting to know someone, not about getting what you want from them. Respect your match’s boundaries and feelings, especially if you want them to be aware of yours. Like we said above, the only way to influence others is to be the version of yourself that you’d like to see in them. Get to know your match, find common ground and interests, and establish some boundaries before laying down expectations or asking for favors. If you’re patient, honest, and unassuming, you’ll likely find out if they’re looking for the same thing you are. Reading the room is key to avoiding getting ghosted, whether online or offline, so it’s a skill worth learning as soon as possible.
Don’t Overthink or Take it Personally
Overthinking rejection will only make things awkward and help you to develop low self-esteem. Why take something personally that has nothing to do with you? Following every one of these tips does not guarantee you won’t be ghosted, so simply accept that you only have limited control over what someone else wants. It’s literally not you, it’s them. We don’t know about you, but we have enough to worry about without internalizing someone else’s insecurities and inhibitions. Not overthinking may seem simple enough, but since no one intentionally does, it can be difficult to avoid. Basically, if you find yourself doing it – stop. And if you don’t realize on your own, a few supportive friends can help you to snap out of it.
Join a Singles Club for Support and Encouragement
Of course, we saved the best for last. While these tips can help you to deal with ghosting on dating apps, what about ditching the dating apps altogether? For those interested in a more traditional dating culture, or just making friends and enjoying life, Events & Adventures is a great option to leave ghosting behind. We can’t promise you’ll never end up getting ghosted again, but we can promise that our members are background checked and interviewed to ensure they’re single – and not the ghosting type. Our singles club has been bringing people together for over 30 years! We host at least 30 fun events every month, in over 14 cities. These events range from chill activities to bucket-list adventures and there is no pressure to date if you don’t want to. Just know that you’ll be in good company, with tons of single people who understand the frustrations of modern dating. If you decide to stick to the dating apps, these tips will help. But if you want to start living a life you love with other singles, you can get started today. Our members are waiting to meet you.