All posts by Events & Adventures

How to Identify and Deal with Dating a Narcissist

How to Identify and Deal with Dating a Narcissist

Do you feel like you meet a lot of self-involved people on the dating scene? Events & Adventures has over 30 years of experience watching new relationships grow. We’re a singles activity club that has been bringing single members together for bucket-list adventures across 15 cities (and growing), for over 30 years. We don’t possess psychology degrees, but we do have extensive experience with people and what makes them tick. Our expertise has aided us in screening members before they join the club, equipping us with helpful advice that we share here with you. The chances of encountering a narcissist in your dating experiences is decent – if so, what to do?

The term narcissist has become increasingly popular recently, but it is important to understand what narcissism really is and, if you are dating a narcissist, how dynamics can affect your relationship. Narcissists are people with an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. They often lack empathy for others and pursue power and control in their relationships. Someone can be narcissistic without being diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which is pathological and more severe. If you think you may be entangled with someone displaying these signs and symptoms, there are tell-tales signs to confirm your suspicions, and steps you can take to protect yourself from emotional or physical harm.

Common Signs of Narcissism in Relationships

At first, it can be difficult to recognize a narcissist. They may come across as charming, witty, and engaging – traits that often make them attractive. But, as time goes on, you might start to notice a different side of your partner. They may become demanding and controlling, overly critical, and/or start showing a lack of consideration for your feelings. People with narcissistic tendencies use manipulation tactics to get their way and they might even become physically or emotionally abusive.

Narcissists are often extremely self-centered and believe that everything should revolve around them. This can be seen in how they communicate with others, as they may interrupt conversations or talk over people who are speaking. When dating a narcissist, you may also notice that they need constant validation and attention from their partners, becoming overly jealous or possessive if they don’t get it. Narcissists also have a hard time taking responsibility for their own actions, and often try to deflect criticism by blaming others or making excuses.

Protecting Yourself in an Unhealthy Relationship

If you recognize that you might be dating a narcissist, there are several steps you can take to protect yourself and maintain some sense of autonomy in the relationship.

Set boundaries in stone, or at least on paper.

It’s important to set clear boundaries and communicate them to your partner. While boundaries should be established in any relationship, it is paramount if you’re dating a narcissist. Record verbal agreements and get them in writing if you can, with their permission. This will help you avoid feeling taken advantage of and disrespected, and will also give you something to fall back on later. Narcissists can unintentionally gaslight you into believing you are wrong, mistaken, or confused, but not if you have written or recorded proof that they agreed to previously.

Don’t settle for less – or you always will.

Don’t let yourself be manipulated into things you don’t want to do, and definitely don’t let your partner control your every move. Be assertive in expressing your desires and needs when dating a narcissist – including standing up for the enforcement of the first tip. This does not mean to be aggressive to your partner, it means you should politely remind them (and yourself) that your wants and needs are just as valid as theirs.

Be patient.

Standing up for yourself is only one side of the coin. As previously mentioned, a narcissist may not even realize that they are gaslighting you or taking advantage, so don’t get upset with them. Always stand your ground for the things that matter to you, but try remember that if the person you’re dating is worth your time, effort, and affection – they are also worth your time and patience. If you ever feel like your partner is the enemy, that’s your cue to leave.

Maintain each other’s self-esteem with equal effort.

Narcissists typically have enough confidence to go around, but that doesn’t mean they’re willing to share it. After the love-bombing phase, when a narcissist is content in the relationship, you may have to put aside time for yourself. Self-care activities, getaways with your friends, and time spent with family can help to remind you that you are loved and appreciated. Dating a narcissist can be draining at times, but if you pull too far away, they may feel threatened.

Seek out professional help.

When you feel like the relationship is becoming emotionally abusive, it’s important to reach out for help and consider leaving. Don’t hold on to something that’s hurting you just because you’ve been clutching it for a long time. Though some studies have shown that therapy can garner results, convincing a narcissist that they need any kind of help is an uphill battle, so pushing them to go to couple’s therapy is likely going to start an argument. Stick to the other tips on this list and if they still don’t agree to work with a professional (or if things go beyond just emotional abuse) – it’s time to get out and find a community of supportive people. (More on this in a bit.)

If you are in an unhealthy relationship with a narcissist and need assistance, there are resources available. You can reach out to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at (800) 799-7233 or speak to a mental health professional who can help you learn more about narcissism and how to protect yourself in an unhealthy relationship. In the best-case scenario, you both go to couples therapy, but convincing a narcissist that they need help can be a daunting task. With the right resources and support, you can take control of your life and either fix your unhealthy relationship with a narcissist, or break free from it altogether.

Maintaining a Successful Relationship with a Narcissist

Some people seek professional help or find ways to deal with dating a narcissist, and in many cases, things work out fine. Love knows no bounds, after all. And just because your significant other either showcases narcissistic tendencies or has NPD, doesn’t mean you can’t live long and happy lives together. If it doesn’t work out, however, it’s important to remember that it likely isn’t your fault. You deserve to be respected and loved in a healthy, supportive relationship, and that means being able to maintain your autonomy.

Life After Dating a Narcissist

Not only does life go on if you choose to end the relationship – now you can start living a life you love! One of the biggest reasons people commit to their narcissistic significant other is that they feel trapped. Narcissists can be incredibly persuasive, charming, and charismatic. Because they are so self-absorbed, they tend to love-bomb and shower you with affection – while simultaneously making your entire life about them. Usually, their worst sides only present themselves when they’ve already implanted themselves deeply into your life. So, what’s the solution? Well, our best advice is to get back out there as soon you feel you are ready. This time, you’ll have the lessons you’ve learned to guide you.

Go On Events & Adventures

Events & Adventures is an activity club for singles only. We’re not a dating club, but have been bringing singles together from over 15 cities with more on the way, for over 30 years! Our charming and knowledgeable hosts put together more than 30 activities every single month, and they’re happy to walk you through every step of the process. The best part is, not everyone gets in! We do full background checks and hold live interviews with each new member to ensure they’re a good fit before they join. We want you to have the best time with the best people, and with decades of experience – we’ve gotten pretty good at weeding out the narcissists.

If you’re ready to start living a life you love after dating a narcissist, you’re more than welcome to join us! Call 1-800-386-0866 today.

How to Set Boundaries in Dating

How to Set Boundaries in Dating

You’ve probably heard it before – communication is key. When setting your boundaries in dating, it’s tough to establish ground rules without having a conversation. While it may seem scary to put your emotions on the table, it’s a worthwhile exercise when getting to know someone.

So, what are boundaries? Boundaries help us communicate our wants, needs, and issues we are having. This means that boundaries will vary from relationship to relationship. They could be physical, emotional, or even geographical. There are many types of boundaries, and that’s why a dialogue is necessary. Maybe you’re the type of person who likes to take things slow, so you decide to wait a certain amount of time before going on a vacation, or even moving in with someone. Or, the person you’re talking to may have a pre-existing concern from a past relationship. That’s something to listen to and consider when setting boundaries. Open communication about worries, hopes, and fears will lead to a healthier and happier relationship going forward.

When Do You Set Boundaries?

Maybe you haven’t met your significant other yet. That doesn’t mean it’s too early to set boundaries. Boundaries stem from your own attitude and character and contribute to the standards you expect in a relationship. Before you even meet someone, you may already have existing boundaries in place. This will help you avoid any awkwardness months or years into a relationship when you feel the need to put your foot down. The purpose of these limitations is to protect yourself, so it’s never too early to consider what’s off-limits. Setting boundaries early on puts you in an ideal position to meet someone compatible with your personality.

Which Boundaries Should You Consider?

The boundaries you set are a personal reflection of your character, but there are some common themes among dating limitations. You’ll want to consider how you prefer to communicate with someone, whether it’s over text, call, or face-to-face. Think about how much personal space you require or how often you expect a date night. When you get upset, how do you prefer to resolve a conflict? Finally, what is the level of commitment you expect from a partner? These are concepts to consider before you start dating someone, and while you continue to date them, too. And remember, if you look for a partner in a safe, secure environment, you may not have to consider too many rules with a well-suited and like-minded partner.

Listen Like Never Before

So, you’re ready to have the boundaries conversation. This is the time to get to know the person you’re seeing – and listen to what they have to say. It may be difficult for them to communicate their feelings, especially if it comes from a place of vulnerability. It’s important to let them speak without interrupting, and acknowledge that you hear them. While it’s imperative to listen, don’t be afraid to speak up. Starting the conversation is the hardest part, so once words are flowing, let the other person know how you feel. Remember, the most important aspect of this conversation is upholding respect for each other.

State Your Non-negotiables

When discussing boundaries, stick with your non-negotiables throughout the conversation. There’s a reason you decided a boundary is non-negotiable. If you’re having trouble finding a compromise, it’s okay to say “no” in this conversation.

Stay Open to Possibilities

While it’s beneficial to state your boundaries, remember that you don’t need to close the door on opportunities. If you decide to set too many boundaries in a relationship, it’s possible you may miss out on new experiences you may like. Stepping out of your comfort zone is like trying new foods. You never know if you’ll like something until you try it. When breaching your comfort zone, it’s okay to be uncomfortable, but the situation should not be intolerable and painful. Know your limits and trust your instincts.

Speaking of trying new things, you might feel ready to take a leap of faith and meet someone. You never know when you’ll bump into “the one.” Set yourself up for success and make the effort to put yourself out there. Participate in hobbies with a group, join a club, and say hello to strangers. We can help with that…

Time to Meet Someone New

If you’ve established boundaries and feel ready to meet someone, you might be wondering, “Where do I meet them?” In the digital age, many people flock to dating apps. But with the infinite number of people to swipe left or right on, it’s common to become accustomed to the plethora of options. With so many choices, people often lose interest almost instantly. They know other options exist, so coming across one flaw leads to endless swiping once again. There’s a better alternative.

While it may seem antiquated, we suggest meeting people the tried-and-true way. It’s time to put the devices away and spend time with local singles in person. At Events & Adventures, we do our best to make it easy for you. Don’t worry about flaky people you’ll need to set endless boundaries with. Meet up with singles at a pre-planned activity, ditching the arrangement and logistics. Everyone is screened to make your experience worry-free and enjoyable.

With over 30 unique events each month, you can choose to attend the activities that spark your interest. Chances are you’ll meet like-minded individuals there. From bar crawls and skydiving to wine tasting and cooking classes, we’ve got something you’ll love. It’s a no-pressure environment, with no expectation of dating or tying the knot — although many of our members have done so! If you’re ready to meet relatable singles in 14 cities across the U.S. and Canada, join Events & Adventures. Click here to learn how you can get started.

Ditch the Dating App Fatigue and Live a Life You Love

Ditch the Dating App Fatigue and Live a Life You Love

We’ve all experienced it, had to deal with it, and wished it would end. We’re talking about burnout. It can come from work, play, hobbies, and even dating apps. Especially from dating apps! Who isn’t tired of swiping, writing bios, editing photos, and managing multiple conversations – all to just rinse and repeat? It’s like a full-time job that doesn’t pay! Now, we’re not saying that online dating is completely fruitless. Many have found both casual and long-term relationships using these services. Still, there are many who believe this modern dating culture simply isn’t for them. Whether you’re one of those trying to prevent dating app fatigue, or those trying to escape from the apps altogether, we have some tips.

Four Ways to Prevent Dating App Fatigue

  • Know what you want. This might sound obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people only think they know what they want in a partner. If you’re looking for love in all the wrong places, you’re going to find all the wrong kinds of love. Take your time, ahead of time, or be forced to deal with trial-and-error dating that inevitably leads to dating burnout.
  • Set clear preferences to filter who you match with. Now that you know what you’re looking for, make sure the app is well informed of those preferences. Provide all the information the application asks for, and make sure your biography and other identifying details are as accurate as possible, including photos. Let people know who you are and what you want.
  • Limit your time on the apps. Spend too much time on anything and burnout is guaranteed. So, no more mindless swiping or spending hours stressing over openers and replies. Set a boundary for yourself and stick to it. We recommend no more than one hour per day.
  • Take a break for a week or two. This is generally the best way to avoid burnout of any kind. If it’s too much right now, put the apps down and do something else. There’s no harm in stepping away for a while to avoid dating burnout. Just find something else to occupy your time – like living your life.

How to Escape Dating Burnout Completely

Delete the apps, skip the dating burnout, and start living a life you love. Yes, it can be that simple. The word “delete” may sound permanent and extreme, but only if you forget how easy it is to reinstall. It’s not the end of the world – it’s a new beginning! Believe it or not, people still meet in school, at work, and during their hobbies. Occasionally, there’s even the mythical love at first sight. You know, like, at the grocery store or something. But what do all of these meet-cutes have in common? These people meet face-to-face, organically, and because of a shared interest. It may sound cliché, but the best way to find someone else is to focus on yourself. Do the things you want to do; go learn, experience, and enjoy more. You’ll know so much about yourself by the time you’re done, that finding a significant other will be significantly easier. And don’t worry. If you don’t have any single friends or hobbies to get you through your dating app detox, we have a solution for that as well.

Another Way to Meet Singles

Events & Adventures is not a dating app or service. We’re a singles club that provides up to 30 exciting activities every single month, across 14 major cities. We have hundreds of single members who just want to see more of what life has to offer with great people. The best part is no one will flash you a wedding ring or try to hide one from you. Everyone is single! Each member is selectively interviewed, background checked, and then personally invited to the club. We want our singles to meet only the best people. Events range from chill evenings like game nights and bar crawls – to daring adventures like skydiving and whitewater rafting. Imagine always having plans for things you want to do, having fun and single people to do them with, and no pressure to date unless you want to. It’s the ultimate way to “do you” and still potentially meet “the one” along the way. Our members are waiting to meet you at events happening almost every night! Get started today and ditch the dating app fatigue for good.